HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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