dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
