dude i'm inner monologue high
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
