dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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