Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
