dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
