i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
