we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
