I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
