Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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