You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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