i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
