I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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