So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
