She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
