if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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