her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
