What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
