I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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