She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
