Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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