i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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