Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
