I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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