so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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