I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
