MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
