to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
