the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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