You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
