drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
