I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
