the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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