I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
