i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i think i just lost a toe
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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