oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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