The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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