update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
