Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
