so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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