I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
