I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
