Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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