Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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