There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
