The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
