i permit you to call me
I can text with my tongue
Quick, to the slutcave!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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