I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
