I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
