I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
